what's after 29?

a mesg frum thee kat...

2010-09-16T16:17:00.000-04:00

how did i miss this???

2010-09-01T20:01:00.003-04:00

What the heck? I watched the Emmys and missed this. Well, I watch part of the Emmys. Came in late and left early. Being the certified Gleek that I so proudly am, I feel compelled to show you. Please don't tell me this is the 10th time you've seen it. Humor me.

If I Had Only Known

2010-09-01T17:04:00.000-04:00

We have all been there.

Where?

In the know, or lack there of. Unfortunately "the know" came a little late, right? The know is a special, wise, learned place which only comes with age and experience. When we were 15, 16, 18, 21, just think how much easier our lives would have been if we only knew.

So today's thought is (and I could write a novel on this topic)...

If I had only known ___________________.

I'll go first and let me preface this by saying that shallow is okay.
Deep is okay. Whatever floats your boat and comes to mind is...

okay.

If I had only known...
that they really DO eventually give up their blankies and pacifiers. Seriously, how many thirty year old men have you seen walking around with a pacifier? Don't answer that.

Deep thought?

If I had only known...
that, like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz, I really DO have a brain.

Okay, think deep thoughts. Think shallow thoughts. Just think.

Your turn.

If I had only known _________________.

thoughts on sleep or lack there of

2010-08-26T05:54:00.001-04:00

I sit here with the cat and dog, who by the way are thrilled to death that someone emerged from the closed door of the bedroom to feed them at 4:45 a.m., only because I fruitlessly tried to get just a little more shut eye at 3:00, 3:30, 3:45... Tell me, please. What the heck? Eh, you don't have to tell me. Hormones, baby. Middle-aged hormones.

Sleep is a funny thing. When we're teens, we easily sleep until noon. As we get older, we rise for our work or our babies or both. My thinking is that before it's over, I'll be going to sleep at 6:00 and waking at 2:00. Hey, at least it's a decent eight, right?

Maybe at this point I should just go with the flow. Get up after I wake at 2:30 feeling refreshed and thinking, before I glance at the clock, "Hey! I slept all night!".

A solid eight has turned into a halfway decent four.

So that's my rant for today.

What's yours?

Here's a Thought...

2010-08-12T21:51:00.006-04:00

It's not as much a thought as a challenge - or a game.
That's it! A game.

We could play "I Spy". I spy a suitcase!

I spy a belt!

I spy a 17 year old!

Top it? I think not.

Really. I dare you.

unreal good margarita pizza recipe

2010-08-12T07:36:00.000-04:00

Two recipes in one week? Is the world turning? Are we in the twilight zone? I know! I think this heatwave is finally beginning to get to me. Don't question it. Let's just roll with it.

Tonight I was craving a margarita pizza. So, after checking around on the internet and comparing it to what I actually had in the pantry, I went to work. It was so unbelievably yummy that I am compelled to share...

[mine actually looked BETTER than this, but I ate it and had no photo.]

Boboli pizza crust
fresh tomato, sliced
1/4 cup olive oil
1 tbs. minced garlic
1 tsp. salt
mozzarella cheese
parmesan cheese
chopped fresh basil

In a bowl, combine olive oil, garlic, salt, and sliced tomato. Allow to sit for 15 minutes

After 15 minutes, remove the tomatoes and brush the pizza crust with the olive oil marinade.
Top with shredded mozzarella, basil, sliced tomatoes and bake in a 425 degree oven until done.

Add your favorite red wine and you are DONE! Enjoy.

*Photo credit: MyRecipes.com*
...although mine looked prettier. see above.

i am in LOVE

2010-08-06T12:41:00.002-04:00

...and you will be, too.

Was I right? Are you in love now?

I thought you would be. :)

new digs

2010-07-24T10:46:00.008-04:00

Like my new digs? It's nothing really - just a summer cottage. It was getting too hot in Atlanta, so we thought we'd head north to our mountain "cottage" to cool down. We went from 95 degrees to a cool 98.

We have 528 bathrooms.

Yeah. Okay, so it's not ACTUALLY ours. Shocking, right?

This morning as I sat in the fancy dining room, I had pancakes with peaches, raspberries, raspberry syrup, and sausage WITH a side of peach ice cream, grapefruit juice, and 20 cups of coffee. I snuck and took a picture, but the waiter walked up, I panicked, stashed my phone, and forgot to save the photo.

I informed the hubs after consuming our delectable delights that we are going on a diet next week.

Every time I walk to my room I think of The Shining.
Next thing you know I'll be running through a maze while Johnny is chasing me with a snow plow - in 98 degree weather. Johnny? Jack? Jack.

I need more peach ice cream.

the competition

2010-07-22T08:40:00.001-04:00

Thought you might enjoy this. It's a reprint from my other home.

It begins innocently enough. After working (like a dog) the time comes for photographing a few new handbags. I pull out the camera, then I ~~beg~~ ~~coax~~ politely ask the model to take a little time out from ~~texting~~ ~~looking at magazines~~ studying to pose for me. And so it begins...

one nice photo down...

[ you hear the theme from Jaws playing quietly and gradually getting louder ]

she begins to circle her victim

distracts her with a gentle nudge

alas, the camera hog in all her glory

Model yells, "But it's all about ME!!"

heh heh heh, not this time, you daft human!

That's right. It's all about me now!

"Clearly my profile is superior."

Until tomorrow,

vacationing with teens

2010-07-15T08:34:00.006-04:00

My apologies. I have been the ultimate bad blogger. The biz has taken up my entire existence. Just ask the family. I do however, want to share our recent vacation. Follow me into the big, black wormhole otherwise known as teendom.

they play hard.

while the adults float like slugs. do slugs float?

they shop and say things like, "buy me this. i NEED it."

they sleep. anywhere. with anything.

they wear dorky shoes when no one their own age is looking.

teens ignore all forms of communication while experiencing the bonds of close friendship.

as a little side. my score is the bottom one. which is why the adults do this...

enough said.

back to the teens... they sleep more.

teens relish the thought of taking pictures of themselves.
even these.

For a great cobbler recipe, visit me here.

until next time.
what new and exciting things have you experienced this summer?

her mischievous behavior

2010-06-16T18:01:00.001-04:00

We were so proud of her. She was trained to stay off the sofas and chairs. Well, we were proud for a few years. Then I began to hear a sliding sound followed by a thump in the middle of the night if I happened to walk through the dark den.

This was followed by daytime sneakiness. I would catch her taking a nap on the sofa. Eventually we gave up. She'd ruined the sofas and chairs with her long nails. She was constantly shedding. It was terrible. So we bought a leather sofa.

Now? Now she blatantly climbs onto any piece of furniture except for her own bed. The cat sleeps there.

Now if we could just do something about the dog.

got attitude?

2010-05-30T08:40:00.002-04:00

[ got attitude? ]

well if you don't, you'd better locate it - and quickly.

another one

2010-05-16T10:30:00.003-04:00

I have this sick habit of stealing youtube videos from Jennifer over at Hope Studios. Heck, why not??? She does all the legwork. I reap the benefits. I love this.

what do lady gaga and soldiers have in common?

2010-05-13T07:11:00.002-04:00

goodbye mom

2010-05-08T07:35:00.002-04:00

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

well if you REALLY loved me...

2010-05-07T14:01:00.003-04:00

If you REALLY loved me, you'd build me a disney house for Mother's Day.

No kidding. this house is about five minutes from mine. It is a private home occupied by an elderly couple. Story goes that the lady loves disney so much that her lovingly devoted husband built it for her. It actually has a "mote" lap pool surrounding the entire house.

I would kill to see the inside of this place. Can't you imagine that the kids are wondering what the HELL they'll do with this house some day. lol

(sorry for the photo quality. I took it while driving. yeah not very safe, but hey)

life's too short for...

2010-05-06T18:12:00.006-04:00

I just did this on my other blog an it was so much fun. I'm giving my list first, then you comment adding your "life's too short for..." and I'll add it to the post with your link. Okay, here goes...

life's too short for...

grudges

instant coffee

being serious

all

the

time

not reusing, reducing, recycling

Now it's your turn.

a day without a good laugh (the card family)

you're next.

true comfort

2010-05-05T20:15:00.002-04:00

a full tummy

a snoring cat by my side

a margarita in my hand

and

a new hairstyle and color. :)

happy happy

joy joy joy joy joy...

tell me about your day?

Sophie, Guest Blogger

2010-05-03T21:44:00.001-04:00

Hi all! Sophie here. The boss is really tired after a long day of doing whatever it is that she does in her room of stuff. Allz I know is that when we walked outside today to point the black box at a few of those things she's obsessed with, I spotted a goose standing by the pond, close enough to catch! What's a black-haired girl to do?

I didn't actually catch the goose monster, but I ran her into the water, then I swam around in circles. The boss was clearly cheering me on. I felt proud. She was so happy with my watchgirl duties that she promptly gave me a bath, toweled me off and sent me straight to my porch.

What? (You'll have to speak louder. I have watery ears at the moment.) Did she get to point the little black box toward the things she put together? No, she decided she'd rather give me a bath. She'll be back tomorrow. Until then...

woof. woof. drool. drip.

the extraordinary slacker

2010-04-30T17:28:00.006-04:00

Can't believe I haven't posted since Sunday. I'm becoming an extraordinarily talented slacker. In my own defense, I've been working my tushy off! My brain, instead of having typical conversations with itself, is in overdrive thinking thoughts such as SEO, sales, work, promotion, work, promotion, blah blah blah. I really miss that inner voice - you know, or don't you? - the one that answers back? No? You don't hear that voice? Okay. Well. Um, neither do I.

Great news!

Hubs and I are EMPTY NESTERS this weekend! Break out the margaritas and quesadillas! We're getting a little jump on cinco de mayo. So, if, on the local or national news, you hear about this middle-aged couple who broke wild, well...

It wasn't us.

So, what are your plans for the weekend?

{ Photo credit }

What Not to Do

2010-04-25T13:25:00.003-04:00

What not to do when posing for prom pictures.

Don't do the vogue pose if you're double jointed.

You tend to get carried away and freak out your date.

Again, no model poses or facial expressions.

You'll just come out looking mentally challenged.

Don't pout.

It causes premature frown lines and doesn't do anything for your date's attitude.

Don't fight your date.

Heaven forbid you let him know that you're actually stronger than he is

- another quick way to end the date early.

Much better.

Just remember...

His hand is only allowed in that area. No higher, no lower.

Happy Happy Saturday!

2010-04-24T15:18:00.004-04:00

I hope your Saturday has been splendid so far. I have a little announcement for you, my What's After 29? buds. On my other blog, having to do with my actual occupation, (what? you think I'm just a fabulous writer 24/7?) I am hosting a giveaway for the sweetest, most eco-friendly, and totally rad (yes, I can use that word because I'm over 29) reclaimed leather wristlet. For the men out there, a wristlet is like a small purse and your wife/girlfriend would be most impressed if you won it and said, "here honey, I got this just for you". So, what do we do? We march ourselves over to my other place pronto to enter.

Isn't it cute?

I like to call it my...

Reclaimed Leather Soft as a Baby's Butt Wristlet.

Okay, so I need to work on my titles. Sue me.

Tip of the Day:

2010-04-22T13:12:00.003-04:00

Tip of the Day:

Before you completely take apart a little purse to repurpose into a fabulous new purse or wristlet...

...be sure to google the mysterious italian designer to make sure it doesn't sell at Neiman Marcus for $2,000.00 - $3,000.00.

Just for future reference.

it was the cats fault

2010-04-20T07:22:00.001-04:00

I'm sure you've heard, maybe even used the excuse, "The dog ate my homework". Well, I'm using that excuse this morning except this time, it was the cats fault. So, I was on schedule and set to write my Tuesday post last night when all of a sudden I realized that the cat was NOT sitting next to me on the sofa. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen her. I proceed to look and search and walk outside, calling her name (she's old and declawed and couldn't defend herself against wild animals such as coyotes or hawks who swoop down and, what the what??? How the heck did she get out anyway?). I looked in the pantry, in the basement. Suffice it to say I look everywhere.

Crying, I gave up and went to bed. Woke up at 2:00 a.m. to walk around again to search. No Oreo. Woke up this morning. Went to the front door, the back door. She had simply vanished. Went to feed the dog. Opened the cabinet, under the sink in the laundry room, to get the dogfood, and guess who pops out? Yep. She's proceeded to gorge herself on yesterday's dinner and immediately threw up. I missed her.

can we flip flop?

2010-04-19T20:58:00.005-04:00

Dear smart ass,

Can we flip flop?

How about I'll be the teenager now and you can be the parent?

...just wondering.

{ this picture has nothing to do with the parent/teenager thing }

{ totally unrelated photo, but my personal best so far}

this is the way it is

2010-04-16T22:21:00.002-04:00

this is the way it is...

dogs are like children

cats are like teenagers. yep.

or is it the other way around?

have a good one,

It's Here, It's There, It's Everywhere

2010-04-12T14:05:00.004-04:00

{ the buds are beautiful. the flowers, glorious. }

...but that's not what I'm talking about...

{ it covers the car }

{ it covers my porch }

{ it covers the door handle }

{ heck, it even covers the dog - who has allergies - and licks herself }

pollen, that's what I'm talking about.

{ cough }

{ snort }

{ wheeze }

{ sneeze }

Sunday's Laugh

2010-04-11T18:20:00.000-04:00

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.

She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four . "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"

The woman answered, " Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin."

on a more serious note

2010-04-10T16:02:00.007-04:00

I have to show you this. My daughter, yes Smart Ass herself, has suffered from this terrible autoimmune disease since she was 12. Twelve. One moment she was playing soccer, riding horses, happily going to school, and the next she was sick with mono. I remember the day she got sick. This "mono" tested negative and after three months of being bedridden, she was diagnosed. After 6 months of physical therapy she was able to leave the house and ride in the car without crying from the pain and discomfort. Her strength gives me strength.

Thank God, in her case, after 5 years, pulling out of regular school, and through the use of medication, she's able to live a relatively "typical" teenager's life. Thank God.

Please watch this and remember it when you hear of someone with ME/CFS, a.k.a. Chronic Fatigue.

ME Promo from Double D Productions on Vimeo.

Just wanted you to know.

lusting

2010-04-09T18:35:00.005-04:00

oh get your mind out of the gutter. i'm lusting, for this..

never cared for it before. i have a hard enough time seeing those tiny letters and even smaller buttons. but when i heard that you could turn your lights off remotely...

i was hooked, baby!

plus it's more classy than the clapper.

next week it'll be the ipad - after i get over the sanitary thing.

Learning After 40 Isn't Like Riding a Bike

2010-04-08T08:09:00.013-04:00

{ personal best to date }

After borrowing Smart Asses' camera for two years, I've decided to treat myself to one of my own. I wanted something as advanced as possible while still able to fit into my purse or even my back pocket (I have big back pockets).

First off, I'd like to point out that whoever said, "oh don't worry. it's like riding a bike." was seriously delusional. I mean really, who out there hasn't gotten on a bike for the first time in 10-15+ years and plowed into the first tree or sign in sight? It's like a freaking magnet! This is the analogy I've given to my little photography escapade.

In high school I was a pretty good photographer - sporting my super advanced Pentax K1000 (which I still have, btw, somewhere). This chick totally understood aperture, shutter speed, iso, etc. Heck, I even developed my own pictures! Now I just want to turn the dial to "auto" - something the salesguy told me NOT to do - and leave it. Think I need to head to the nearest Barnes & Noble for "Photography for Dummies".

My question to all of the photographic geniuses out there - how long did it take before you hopped back on that bike and made it to your destination without hitting a tree or a fence? Or is the key to NOT abandon the "bike" in the first place - in which case, I'm a lost cause?

I Know I Keep Complaining, But...

2010-04-07T09:02:00.006-04:00

I know I keep complaining, but...

In the southern words of my dear mama, I'm feeling like a one-armed paper hanger these days. My shop has, like, four items in it - a little sad. Every time I sell something, instead of being happy, I panic. "Hubs, you can't sell things you don't have!" = my favorite phrase lately. Yeah, my thinking is screwed and skewed.

Art takes time, people.

Just venting. Does this make sense? No. Is it mindless blabbering? Probably. Do I need to stop venting and work? I guess so. Would I rather eat a chocolate Easter egg-shaped whopper? Absolutely.

Okay, I'm better. It's amazing what chocolate will do for the soul.

what we did

2010-04-05T21:23:00.005-04:00

{ Sophie }

For Easter, we visited friends with dogs - little dogs, big dogs, medium-sized dogs. We brought our dog (cat refused - I know not why).

{ Pepper }

{ Gracie }

Yes, three black labs. We contemplated removing their collars and shuffling them, thereby creating a fabulous new game. Alas, they weren't interested in being shuffled. They were only interested in tennis balls and swimming.

{ Rascal - Fun Police Extraordinaire }

We roasted marshmallows and ate s'mores. Dennis lost his fishing rod to a feisty catfish while eating s'mores. Ever heard of the one that got away? The catfish won. It was our greatest loss of the long weekend.

We walked to the family farmhouse.

We woke on Sunday morning to attend a sunrise service.

We ate.

The dogs ate.

All was well.

pardon my absence

2010-04-05T11:46:00.002-04:00

Pardon my absence. Been on a little vacation with the family.

Enjoying the glorious weather. Hope you are too.

See you soon. :)

carbon monoxide? robber? choking?

2010-04-01T07:11:00.008-04:00

Two nights ago the hubs was away on one of his trips and, as usual, the only part I dread is the nighttime hours. (rest of the time's like a mini-vaca, right?) So, things are going pretty well until the middle of the night when I hear this hysterical meowing right outside of my bedroom door - meowing and scratching and bumping.

Said cat, Oreo, actually wakes me with her meowing. She will NOT go away. My first thought is, of course, that I'm going to kill that cat. Then I roll over to see it's 2:15. The first thought is followed by subsequent thoughts of possible carbon monoxide poisoning, robbers, possible choking and/or dead dog companion. As time goes on the thoughts become worse, as they usually do at 2:15 a.m. Finally, knowing that I"ll never go back to sleep (especially if I die of carbon monoxide poisoning), I get out of bed. As soon as I open the door I see two very excited animals. They begin to run! Well, at least the dog hasn't died (my next thought). I run after them - all the way to - their dinner bowls.

After I finish torturing the cat by putting her in the basement and yelling at the dog (who endures psychological punishment quite well), I close my little door, hop back into bed and...

can't go back to sleep. (sounding familiar at this point?)

I switch on the laptop (I know, I know, not good for inducing sleep) and publish a post I'd written the night before. Within minutes, I received comments. What the????

Was it carbon monoxide poisoning? Was it a robber? Had the dog had killed over? Was my clock wrong and it was really morning and we were living in Alaska where sometimes it's dark during the daytime hours and everyone was already awake and I'd actually overslept and...?

No, it was a full moon. Thank goodness it only happens once a month.

What was your experience?

church is fun

2010-03-28T21:40:00.006-04:00

so this morning we're heading out to church and, like any good mother, I simply couldn't keep my mouth shut. I ask smart ass if she got a certain smart assy text from me last night when she was out. yes, she replied. from that moment on the argument raged. the bser even decided to join in.

by the time we reached the church bser and I climbed out of the car and smart ass decided to remain. we went in. I sat down with the bser and as church began we found ourselves constantly looking toward the door. where is she? where's my little smart ass?

near the end of the service we got up to have communion and to my astonishment, there's that little smart ass heading up to have communion from the other side of the church. she'd been there the entire time. and i was worried. was i praying when everyone else prayed? no, i worried. church is fun that way.

walking out, i thought to myself, "ok we've all been to church. gotten our fill of the holy spirit and we will be feeling much more calm and less argumentative during the ride home." we piled into the car and it was as if we'd never gotten out. the argument continued. all. the. way. home. we piled out of the car and went our separate ways.

just in time for dinner, everyone had taken their collective breaths and bonded yet again.

dinner was exceptionally happy.

i love my lovable, dysfunctional family.

they'll probably kill me in the end.

but i still love them.

dead or alive?

2010-03-28T08:57:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'll take 20 lashes, but I did the same thing. Just hoping you don't have coffee in your lap.

I've Been Invaded - And Not In A Good Way

2010-03-24T19:49:00.004-04:00

{ totally unrelated photo. i just LOVE these. }

Well, the search for the coveted prom dress ended today. But that's not what I'm writing to you about, my dear internet friends.

Yes, we found the (hallelujah chorus begins) DRESS (hallelujah chorus ends). We decided on a dress, proceeded to pay, and my credit card was rejected. Yep - r.e.j.e.c.t.e.d. So the little saleslady chickadee gives me the "you ain't got no money, honey" eye and dials the number. Smart Ass, by this time, was getting a little embarrased because we weren't the only girls in line (of course we weren't - this sort of thing never happens when you're alone). So anyway, I told the girl that I'd just write a check for the dress.

This happened in December when the BSer was in Virginia making a purchase and I, in Georgia, went to buy groceries. The credit card was declined because of the differences in location. I called the number and found that we have a fraud alert on our card. It's a service to let you know when something unusual is occurring. I like this feature. Didn't mind the inconvenience.

Flash forward to today, I called the BSer to see if he had gone and bought the golf clubs he was ~~whining about~~ telling me about the other day. Nope, he hadn't done a thing.

So next I call our credit card company and find that we had a purchase in D.C. as well as Cape Town, South Africa within the past 24 hours. Um - not me. So our credit card has been frozen and we will be issued new cards.

I know that this is fairly common these days, but what the heck????? Have you ever had this happen?

Bajeezes. I've been invaded - and not in a good way. I'm also wondering if the Hermit or Smart Ass or maybe even the BSer flew to South Africa while I wasn't looking and purchased something like a DVD or Itunes music. It could happen ya know!

letting you in on a little secret

2010-03-24T06:52:00.006-04:00

What's the secret? It's only fair that I tell you. If you're not a reader here, or a customer here, you won't know.

{ S.A. is my model. Isn't she spectacularly photogenic? }

I'm hosting a giveaway and the swag is pretty sweet. It's a darling little handmade, embroidered crossbody bag AND (yes I said "and") sparkling blue quartz earrings. You simply must jump over, but please don't hurt yourself along the way.

Totally unrelated:

We'll be prom dress shopping again later today. Say a prayer for me and wish me luck. I'll need it.

I So Relate

2010-03-23T12:35:00.003-04:00

Zits - I so relate.

Shopping for a Prom Dress

2010-03-21T19:00:00.008-04:00

{ not daughter or her dress }

Dear Smart Ass,

When crammed into a 4' x 5' dressing room with your mother for three hours while shopping for a prom dress and trying on 30+ dresses, brace yourself against the wall and prepare for a complete break down with an exhausted mom doesn't get it when you say, "You know, I want something 'prommy' but it needs to be 'different, unique'."

Just saying.

The Officer Said, “Ma’am, I Think Your Car Is Jinxed.”

2010-03-17T14:01:00.006-04:00

Yes, I'm still working my tush off. Trying to get ahead in preparation for a visit to N.C. this weekend. Lately I've been speaking of cars, so in honor of keeping the thought fresh, I'm reposting a little something I wrote last year.

The Officer Said, “Ma’am, I Think Your Car Is Jinxed.”

Ever feel like something in your life is jinxed? I’m a religious person and, in general, we aren’t supposed to believe in those sorts of things. My thoughts, however, are beginning to change.

I love my little Toyota Rav4. We purchased it new in 2002, opting for a manual because it would be more fun for me. The car has not let me down. It has absolutely NO power, but being a girl who just loves all things CUTE, I don't really care how fast I go.

Unfortunately, the tide began to turn a couple of years ago when BSer was involved in an accident on a one-lane dirt road, far into the woods of Virginia. He damaged my baby! I forgave him and we quickly had it repaired.

ONE year later, BSer is taking my car to the airport at dusk one morning to catch a flight. (seeing a pattern?) Unfortunately, some deer must have been heading to the airport as well because the two collided. See Exhibit “A” below:

Exhibit "A"

Fast forward to THIS PAST November. (This is something we rarely discuss at the dinner table or any other time as it’s still a very sensitive subject.) Smart Ass had just gotten her learners permit and, well, let’s just say that she had a little trouble shifting and steering at the same time. See exhibit “B” below:

Exhibit "B"

I was in the passenger seat when Exhibit “B” occurred. It happened in slow motion, literally, and a stream of words poured from my mouth the likes of which I didn't know existed.

Fast forward to LAST Friday. I pick Smart Ass up from school and head to Target. We are sitting at the stop light, on the highway exit ramp when suddenly we’re thrown forward. See exhibit “C” below:

Exhibit "C"

Simply CAN NOT believe this has happened. My cute little car now has only one good side, excluding the roof. Anyway, as one officer is writing the report, his partner walks around my car and proceeds to say, “Ma’am, I think your car is jinxed.” I laugh and he looks at me, dead serious, and says, “I’m not kidding. That stuff happens, ya know.”

{ my poor baby. may she rest in peace. }

Last Saturday Jeff and I spent the day car shopping.

Not a Witty Update

2010-03-16T13:09:00.011-04:00

{ totally unrelated, but ever so necessary, picture }

Would I describe myself as witty? Eh - not really. But, hey, it's my blog.

I've been working in the studio so much lately TRYING to make some money for the Hermit away at school (AND the occasional pair of loverly shoes) that my brain has turned to mush. Feeling quite incapable of retelling stories of our dysfunctional existance. I got nothing - except this...

The Continuing Saga of the Ever Frustrating Old Clunker Search

(which mom here refuses to be any part of)

So last night, the BSer, after a hard day's work, came in and resumed his search for a car for Smart Ass. At this point, they've both realized that they simply MUST turn to Craig's List. After a ridiculous amount of research, they've decided to find an older model Honda Civic.

Amazingly, they found a great candidate located in Buckhead. BSer called the girl, an Emory student who cluelessly underpriced her car. BSer screams, "hold on! we're on our way!" Now, at this point, let me say that BSer has just returned from driving home with all the other crazies leaving Atlanta. He and Smart Ass jump in the car and head BACK to Atlanta - at 5:30. Nearly two hours later they call home from somewhere in Buckhead - lost. I google directions and get them to the location where they had been beat out by, I'm not kidding, FIVE minutes. Long story short, another guy got the car.

Pity goes out to Smart Ass for having to ride BACK home from Atlanta at 8:00 with the BSer, who was hungry and NOT a happy camper.

See, I got nothin'. OH! Except this...

As they were driving around in Atlanta - good old HOTlanta - they saw an old lady, driving a corvette with a FULL sized LIVE iguana sitting on the dashboard. Atlanta - gotta love it.

NOW I got nothin'

What you got? Give me your links.

Gripefest

2010-03-14T16:15:00.009-04:00

{ my car was not this hot }

I was just talking with a friend about the privileges kids have today, how they're raised, how they feel entitled, and what a shock it will be when they enter the "real world". Can you tell we were having a gripefest?

What prompted the gripefest? As you know, Smart Ass is ready for her license and because I have a nice car and WILL NOT allow her to drive it without me, we need to find something for her. When The Hermit got his driver's license, we got a '94 Toyota truck for $3,000. Now this, in my humble opinion, is the ideal "new" car for a teenager IF they're lucky enough to get one. Little did we know that it would be the energizer bunny of all trucks and still be "trucking" well over 200k. Aside from having to walk ten miles to school in the snow, I was LUCKY to drive my parent's Buick LaSabre - I believe it was a '73 model.

Anyway, now it's time for Smart Ass. We're looking for something equally cheap that won't cause major parental upheaval when the first mailbox is destroyed. Not that S.A. isn't a capable driver (cough, cough).

In hindsight, our only mistake was that the truck we got for the Hermit didn't have airbags - something that's plagued us constantly. That's our only requirement now. Sheesh. Parenting - it's what kills people. You think cancer or heart disease is the leading killer? No, they're wrong. It's parenting.

My point? Curiosity...

If you're too young to tell me about the kiddo, then what happened when you got your first car? What did you get?

What's going on with your offspring today?

Six Word Saturday - The List

2010-03-13T07:32:00.004-05:00

"work promote paint clean fret laugh"

I don't have a sentence this week, just the list. These are my thoughts in a nutshell:

work & promote = self explanatory. there's something to the term "starving artist"

paint = maybe since it's Saturday I can work on my hutch project - maybe

clean = need to clean - viscous cycle -UGH Bleh UGH

fret = it's a parent's job - one of the perks

laugh = at myself, at others, whatever it takes

I hope you laugh today. :D

Happy Six Word Saturday. Join in.

Dear Smart Ass, What you're NOT supposed to do...

2010-03-12T16:42:00.009-05:00

Dear Smart A.,

What you're NOT supposed to do when using the drive through at the bank:

1) do NOT pull so far away from the tubie thingy that you have to give it the old "half the body out the window" lean

2) NEVER, repeat, NEVER forget to put the car in PARK before leaning out the window to get the tubie thingy

3) after moving the car ahead five feet while leaning out the window to get the tubie thingy, you are NOT supposed to back up before looking to see if there is another car behind yours

4) you are NOT supposed to keep your Ugged foot on the excelerator after putting the car in PARK while simultaneously leaning out the window to get the tube. (you will appear to be a nascar driver revving up before the green flag and that's not good)

5) and perhaps most importantly, do NOT run through this ENTIRE sequence five minutes later at the next drive through.

*Photo from dailyhaha.com

Life is Complete

2010-03-11T14:48:00.004-05:00

Why is life complete? Top this:

1) Smart Ass just broke up with her boyfriend. JoyJoyJoy

2) I just got a case of cheap wine and almond dark chocolate from Trader Joe's

3) I spent an hour perusing Target - alone

4) zero animal throw up today - so far - and that's saying a lot when you've got a bulimic cat

5) Smart Ass broke up with her boyfriend (it's worth double points)

A Little Lori Bashing

2010-03-09T17:03:00.006-05:00

Yep, that just about sums it up. Things have been so busy that I've dropped the ball in, literally, every department that I'm in charge of. Why? Because my "little baby boy", aka The Hermit, came home last week for spring break and - well - I was a mama slacker. Now I'm working the tush off trying to catch up. How's it going? Not too good!

Didn't clean - still haven't

I did cook his favorite foods, that has to count for something.

Didn't post - anywhere.

Didn't work - making up for it now.

Smart Ass is wondering why she doesn't get the royal treatment he got. She just doesn't get it. I told her that when she moves out, I'll be a happier person and cook when she comes for a visit. For now, it's frozen pizza.

Okay, I'm done. You can go now. But first tell me how you've slacked off this week. And don't even THINK of saying you didn't.

Spill. It's good for the soul.

Hey there! It's Six Word Saturday!

2010-03-05T21:31:00.005-05:00

I am blissfully alone right now. :)

Having a regular party for myself. Big guy has taken Smart Ass and the Hermit (visiting for spring break) car shopping. Needless to say, I abandoned ship. Shopping for big ticket items gives me a panic attack. Know what I mean?

What Do You Get...

2010-03-04T13:30:00.002-05:00

What do you get when you cross a middle-aged woman with no willpower

and a child who wants to be a baker?

About five pounds. :(

Rock Star Potato Soup - Go Figure

2010-03-02T07:36:00.009-05:00

It's a well known fact that I'm a gourmet wanna-be, but oh so bad, and not in a good way. I toil - sometimes, I slave - once in a while, I plan my meals - weekly, I stick to the chart - rarely.

Being the good, money-saving wifey wife that I am, I searched high and low for something, anything to cook with this humongous bag of potatoes that had been purchased in bulk. What was I thinking? That I had a family of fifteen or something? Anyway, after researching and pondering and thinking about the weather, I decided to make a big pot of potato soup.

Normally when I try something new it's not well received.

Not this time, people! I created one rocking pot of potato soup.

I was the bomb - the potato bomb. Who knew that carbs, cream, and butter would be the miracle drug my family needed? Go figure.

Someone gave me this simple recipe yesterday and it HIT THE SPOT! I whipped up a fruit salad for a little burst of additional sugar and that's all it took.

Homemade Potato Soup

{{I'll try to be accurate with the ingredients, but I'm an eye-baller}}

about 8 or so (maybe more) small russet potatoes

one large onion - diced

4 carrots - diced

2 stalks of celery - diced

olive oil

chicken broth (I used a carton - 32 oz.)

salt and pepper

butter

cream (I used fat free half & half) - about 3/4 cup

In a large stock pot, bring the cubed potatoes to a boil - oh, add water. :)

Reduce heat and simmer until soft.

While that's cooking, saute the onion, celery, and carrots in your olive oil

(in another pan - duh).

Hmm... a little minced garlic might be good at this point, too.

Be sure to salt & pepper the veggies pretty well.

Saute until soft.

Once the potatoes are done, pour off about half of the water.

Add in the chicken broth and the veggies to the potatoes.

Add more pepper and salt to taste.

In a separate saucepan over low heat, warm the fat free half & half and to that,

add about 3 ~~lbs.~~ tbs. of butter to melt.

Once the creamer is warm, add it into the soup mixture. At this point, I took my handy dandy potato masher and mashed some of the potatoes right there in the pot. This way, the soup became more starchy and thick. At least that's what I like to tell myself.

You can garnish with crumbled bacon. I didn't because I hate frying bacon - makes me feel greasy. The family complained, but they got over it and STILL thought I was a rock star.

Smart Ass even texted her friends (at the table, of course) about my rock star status.

Bestest Sport Ever

2010-02-27T20:31:00.005-05:00

First, I would like to be the guy who lines up and pushes the stone in slow motion.

That - is my goal in life.

If I can't do that, I want to be the coach screaming, "Prepare the ice! Prepare the ice!"

That - is my second goal in life.

Seriously, does it not look like these guys are mopping for sport? I could do that, too!

Curling - bestest, most excitingest Olympic sport EVER.

Six Word Saturday - Burning Thoughts & Questions

2010-02-26T17:56:00.005-05:00

"Today I definitely feel disgustingly blessed."

Six word question:

"What are you thankful for today?"

Death and Taxes

2010-02-24T09:40:00.004-05:00

It's that time again.

If I don't post again within the next 24 - 48 hours,

please...

go on without me.

What's your most dreaded task? In addition to cleaning toilets.

Unless you're lucky enough to have a maid who cleans your toilets in which case...

you are the despised one.

Can You Handle Tuesday's Deep Thought?

2010-02-22T20:23:00.016-05:00

Grab the button and post your "Tuesday's Deep Thought". Leave a comment to let me know and I'll add a link to your post.

Tuesday's pondering thought: Do you blog for yourself or for your readers?

I began blogging first about my art. Now that is my business blog and I started it to, I'll admit, attract business. I am, after all, in business. But (and this is a big but) I eventually realized that if you don't enjoy blogging, you'd better get out. ("business" is homage paid to a blogging "friend" who's dealing with a tempermental commenter)

The other blog was begun mainly as a way to vent and write and hopefully gain cheap therapy as a parent of a chronically ill child. I ended up meeting so many wonderful people.

I began What's After for sheer fun. That's it - just fun.

In a nutshell, I love to write. I LOVE to nitpick and design blogs. I LOVE the graphics. I LOVE the creative outlet. I LOVE the cheap therapy. Mostly, I think that I LOVE the people I've met and interacted with.

How about you? Why do you blog - honestly?

Have you had to deal with problems? Why What are they?

How have you dealt with them? Tell me. Tell me.

Dreams of a Smart #$$

2010-02-21T18:17:00.004-05:00

It's almost time.

Smart Ass, because of a combination of illnesses, attitude, and accidents will finally, at over 17, be getting her driver's license soon. Fair warning to the city of Atlanta and surrounding counties.

S.A. is begging for an uber cool Jeep Wrangler. Yeah.

No.

More accurately speaking...

He's On a Horse

2010-02-21T08:01:00.002-05:00

I'm giving credit where credit is due. Found it on Hope Studio's blog and it is just TOO funny to ignore. Enjoy the man on the horse for your Sunday entertainment.

Six Word Saturday - Burning Questions

2010-02-20T10:54:00.004-05:00

Do I have to clean today?

and perhaps more importantly...

Can Tiger Woods truly be reformed?

or perhaps most importantly...

Does anyone really give a flip?

Yesterday

2010-02-19T07:42:00.013-05:00

{this is what loiters do with random letters in Anthropologie}

{Can you tell we were hungry?}

Yesterday we had our quarterly trip to the neurologist so that they can collect their insurance money, give us a wink and a nod, and send us on our merry way.

Lucky for us (Smart Ass and myself) the doctor's office is down in the "big city" and there's no freaking way we're wasting a trip. The so-called doctor is only minutes from one of the many wonderful malls of Atlanta.

S.A. and I had a wonderfully healthy lunch at ChickfilA. She, with her gluten-free waffle fries and salad and I with my... nevermind.

S.A., being the ever observant teen that she is, forgot her Christmas gift cards to Sephora and Anthropologie. She gazed at me longingly as if I would buy her what she wanted, vowing that she'd hand over said gift cards when we returned home.

Two rules:

First, I'd forget to collect said gift cards and Smart Ass knows this.

Second, I tried to explain the concept of "this would mean I'd be spending double" to her, but either it didn't sink in or it did and she played dumb.

Either way, it was a spring planning trip - no purchasing.

It was FUN. Smart Ass has a different take, but she's not the important one here.

When we got home I convinced S.A. to model for me (YAY!).

{wonder if anyone would believe this is the body of a 48 year old woman. didn't think so}

{sophie, patiently waited for her turn to pose for the camera}

he says, she says

2010-02-17T09:09:00.003-05:00

A husband asks his wife,

"You never argue when I get mad at you.

How do you always control your anger?"

"I clean the toilet," she replies.

"How does that help?" he says.

"I use your toothbrush."

speaking of coffee...

2010-02-16T13:55:00.004-05:00

Speaking of coffee, this morning the kitchen beckons me (as it does every day) with the delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee. This is not just your regular everyday Maxwell House. Over the years, the BSer and I have become quite the coffee ~~freaks~~ connoisseurs.

We order the beans green from a wonderful fair trade coffee site, roast them with our handy dandy coffee roasting machine,

and finally bottle them in our mason jars.

Anyway...

speaking of coffee, I walk into the kitchen this morning, smelling the coffee, walk by to feed the dog, then turn around. Not only had the dog thrown up at some point during the night (no thanks to the BSer feeding her beef stew. Ew) but there was a puddle of coffee on the floor, down the side of the counter, and all over the counter. Needless to say, it was NOT in the pot.

Our second coffee maker in a year - kaput.

So, BSer and I, ever the coffee addicts head to the basement to find our old coffee maker - kept in storage for just such an emergency. We used a ladder and searched the vast wall of crap without finding said CM. Feeling truly defeated, we slouched upstairs thinking, "Well what the hell are we going to do now?"

Known for thinking on my feet, I then found said CM in the first cabinet I searched while simultaneously avoiding the evil gaze of the BSer.

And that was the end of our coffee adventure.

In my mind, the stage had been set for a pretty crappy day in general.

But then...

I walked outside and found this...

The day has been perfect ever since.

ode to coffee and wine

2010-02-15T19:07:00.003-05:00

I have to tell you something.

I absolutely, positively love coffee - really, really love coffee.
I probably love coffee more than anything.
Except my husband - and God.
God, then my husband, then coffee, THEN my kids.

Except wine. I love wine.
Absolutely, positively love wine.
Then, no, let's see...
God, then my husband, then coffee, then wine, THEN my kids.

Reprint of 7/26/09 post here

Hoping Your Day Is Purrr-fectly

2010-02-14T14:01:00.001-05:00

cuddly and lubbable. meow.

Be Inspired...

2010-02-13T10:04:00.004-05:00

The "We Are The World video. Watch the entire thing and be inspired.

The Hair Trilogy

2010-02-11T15:10:00.005-05:00

This is absolutely the last time I talk about my hair - this month.

You may have read my first little adventure, and then maybe the second story of modern forms of torture.

Today the adventure ends. And for you men who've never seen this or for you women who have been blessed with gorgeous locks, I apologize. For the men, you may want to avert your eyes with the first picture and for the women, I hate you.

This is what it took (and I would only show this to my dearest friends).

End result : Attempt #1

Attempt #2

This one took.

I'm no longer orange, and yes...

it takes a village.

The end.

And once again they were wrong. I don't look twenty years younger and I'm still stuck with these cursed reading glasses. So much for hair miracles.

Touchdown! Red Letter Day! Woo Hoo for Lazies Everywhere!

2010-02-09T17:11:00.008-05:00

Photo credit: Nataliedee

Woke up this morning. Had the coffee. Sent the BSer off. Yelled at Smart Ass. Day's looking good so far.

I paid a few bills, thought about the spinner downstairs, thought about the Bowflex downstairs and that cushy mat waiting for crunches. I thought... and thought... so...

I went upstairs and headed into the studio. It began to rain. Poor BSer is going to a business thingie tonight and tomorrow he's hobnobbing with a bunch of other BSers while skeet shooting at a skeet shooting resort. I thought about the rain and how fun that would be. ...mkay... Give me a shout out if you've heard of a skeet shooting resort.

Anyway, I sat in the studio and stared. I tried to organize, plan, sketch... nothing.

The torture chamber in the basement called my name. I ignored it.

Then...

I gave up...

Surrendered...

I took a shower. Didn't put on makeup. Put on my sweats - the disgusting ones.

And just like that...

The decision was made.

I popped a bag of popcorn, grabbed a Diet Coke, and checked the TV listing.

Most importantly...

I did this with absolutely NO GUILT! This never happens - even on the weekend!

It's great!

Now, if I can only survive American Idol and the rigors of laziness until bedtime.

*Photo credit: Nataliedee

Rain, Motivation, and Rain

2010-02-09T13:40:00.003-05:00

Rain...

Hot Tea On Demand

Loving my Moleskin planner and the fact that I have no appoints today

Think I'm going to do a little of this.

Ever had one of those days?

What We Did

2010-02-08T07:49:00.004-05:00

I hope that the football-watching readers enjoyed the Superbowl last night. We did. Go Saints!

I was supposed to work with my new Photoshop program. Instead, I watched the football game while simultaneously looking through magazines for ideas on how to paint this. (Eee!) It irritates the BSer to no end that women are SO capable of multi-tasking.

Traditionally, on Superbowl Sunday we consume way too much junk food. See, here's the thing. If you schedule it for a particular day, like Superbowl Sunday, it's calorie-free, fat-free, and guilt-free. I'm not sure how it works, but it does. Trust me. :)

{This is Smart Ass balancing a plate of roasted peanuts on

Oreo, the sleeping, practically catatonic cat.}

{This is Smart Ass trying to look elegant while

feeding Sophie, the begging dog, and irritating

Oreo, the sleeping, practically catatonic cat.}

{This is the prelude to one fierce dog/cat fight.}

Oh, the other thing is that you HAVE to eat this on the sofa. Eating at the kitchen table would ruin the ambience and, well, it would just be wrong.

This is what we had and remember, we don't hate people who eat guilt-free junk food once a year. We had barbecued chicken wings (protein), margarita pizza (fruits & veggies), Smart Ass had her gluten-free bbq chicken pizza which she copies from the California Pizza Kitchen recipe, (I had a salad because even though I SAY it's guilt-free, I was born with guilt), roasted peanuts (more protein), strawberries dipped in chocolate (fruit and chocolate, which defies all catagories), and finally milkshakes (calcium). I know. It's enough to send anyone to the hospital. But if you do it in moderation, you come out of it quite refreshed!

As for the California Pizza Kitchen recipe... Here's what we do. S.A. uses her favorite gluten-free pizza crust and tops it with GF BBQ sauce (we use Kraft), mozzarella and smoked gouda cheese, sliced red onions and shredded, cooked chicken. That's it. Sounds a little odd, but take my word, you'll love it.

Have a great week! :)

What Will YOU Be Doing...

2010-02-05T11:04:00.009-05:00

...during the Superbowl? Before? After?

What?

Why thank you for asking! I'm going to sit with the BSer and Smart Ass (who, thank the Lord in heaven, loves football which is why she seems to attract so many boys, especially the undesirable ones.) as they watch the game. I may throw in a little "woohoo" or "ahhh" every now and then. But as I'm sitting there nibbling on way too much junk food for three people, I'm going to play with THIS:

Visual Lori here needs pictures and easy instructions to understand things. I've tried figuring out the new Photoshop Elements with online tutorials, etc. and still somehow managed to completely delete my iphoto program. Uh-huh - that's what I'm saying, deleted - not just the pictures but the entire program. BSer asked me how the heck I could do such a thing. It's because I didn't have the book.

So, after this weekend, my photos posted here and here and here and here and here will knock your freaking socks off. (okay, I need to get a life)

Maybe that's a little ambitious. At least I will know the basics for the Photoshop Elements for Mac computer-challenged. And never again will I delete iphoto. :)

Modern Forms of Torture

2010-02-04T16:58:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, I told Smart Ass that I would love to live in a society where women don't need to paint their faces or color their hair. This special place won't care what our bodies look like or how we dress. I've also said this to the BSer as I watch him shower, dress, shave, and walk out the door in less than five minutes. It's a shame - a bloody shame. That's what I thought to myself as I rode this sucker today to, well, nowhere.

You cannot possibly tell me that this doesn't look like a torture device.

The room looks pretty "Silence of the Lambs" too, doesn't it?)

I'm still trying to dig myself out of the torturous hair-coloring escapade.

See, it's says it's CLINICALLY PROVEN to work.

It sure is pretty in the store and fun to buy.

But, why oh why do we have to do this?

Think of all the chocolate and chick flicks the saved money would buy!

Paint brushes.

That's all they are, ladies. Head to your local art department and pick up a few.

Yeah...they're mine.

The piece de resistance...

Torture, pure torture

But aren't they pretty?

Priorities

2010-02-03T16:14:00.001-05:00

So we're riding along today on our way to the gastroenterologist talking about Valentine's Day.

Smart Ass: "Forget the roses. Give me food."

Oh the irony.

Ben Stiller and the Slacker

2010-02-02T14:14:00.000-05:00

Ben Stiller's not the slacker - I am. I haven't written since Friday! OMG!! Bad, bad, blogger. I've been too busy trying to figure out how to get the orange out of my hair.

Okay, so I know everybody's hitting everybody else up to donate the big OR small bucks for Haiti, right?

This is one worth paying attention to. Just sayin'

You can click on the link in my sidebar for more info and to, yes, donate.

I Surrender

2010-01-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who is fed up with dishing out $140 to be beautiful? And it doesn't really work! They tell me I'll be beautiful, but it doesn't work! I know, I know your hair is important and it is a first impression. Blah, blah, blah.

I. Am. Cheap.

Go without? Nah, I have 40-something dingy dirty blonde hair. Doing nothing would be a crime.

My brilliant solution:

In November, I decided to ask my stylist for a recommendation for home hair coloring. Yeah - I know - stupid. So she talks me into just getting a less expensive, all over color for the winter. (It wasn't less expensive. ) BSer said it made me look old.

Fast forward. My roots are showing about 1.5 inches. The time to act is now. I get the highlighter kit, read all the instructions, watch videos on youtube, get my rattail comb, cut the pieces of foil...

...just sayin'

I Don't Care What They Say About Feminine

2010-01-28T07:33:00.000-05:00

...hygiene products.

I don't care if I can't stick it in my back pocket. (that would be some back pocket!)

Just don't care...

The ipad is SO on my wish list.

I'm willing to wait - wait and save - and save and wait - however long it takes.

Gadget nerd signing off now.

Today We Salute YOU!

2010-01-27T15:54:00.000-05:00

Today, on your 17th birthday,

A day we thought would never come...

Alas, a day we thought we'd never survive to see...

I was certain, after carrying you for nine months, that life wouldn't be boring. My first pregnancy was so easy and quiet, but not you! You kicked and screamed whilst still in the womb! Oh yes, we always knew that it would be you, and not the sweet Hermit, who would be the nail in our coffin, the signer of the old person's home commitment form.

We salute you...

the only baby who could work a onesie. You,

oh giver of endless grief and drainer of all things cash-related,

holder of the title of loudest screaming banshee,

lover of apple jammies and

current resident of the nastiest bedroom.

You, oh chewer of books and...

the one who boldly wears the title, Smart Ass.

Happy 17th

We love you. :)

Thanks for...

2010-01-24T16:17:00.000-05:00

...two things.

First, I'm thankful for those designers who create long sweaters and other beautiful things that so effectively cover the butts of people who eat too much biscotti.

YAY to you, designers of things that hide my butt!

AND SECOND, thanks for...

A big thanks to Debi from Do Rah! Designs for the Kreativ Blogger award.

Now I'm off to have another biscotti and cup of coffee.

Care to join me?

*Clothing photos are from Anthropologie.com

Fat Pants, Pizza, and Beer

2010-01-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

It's raining today and I'm thoroughly happy about it.

I've braved Wally World to get pizza supplies. We've got a fire in the fireplace, beer (Blue Moon WITH the orange slices), and football starting in - ooh - ten minutes. My body is practically begging for my stretchy fat pants, thick socks and large, sexy Life is Good tee shirt. Beginning to feel a nap coming on...

Is it raining where you are? If so, embrace it. Sundays are good for that. :)

Clara & the French Onion Soup

2010-01-22T07:28:00.000-05:00

First, last night's french onion soup was a hit! As Smart Ass says, "I know, right?" I practically begged for criticism, but there was none to be had. The dog didn't even get a sip. Well, actually, she did - but just one! Yes, my dog had french onion soup.

Seriously, you NEED to make this. You'll be a rock star.

On to Clara...

Have you met Clara? She reminds me of my own Grandmother Bailey and, well, I think I'm in love. This is a bit on the longish side, but oh so sweet.

Just goes to show you that you don't have to be young or sexy to be a YouTube sensation.

You can find Clara on YouTube here, her blog is here and her book, yes book, is here.

Oh, and have a great day :)

yummilicious

2010-01-21T16:26:00.000-05:00

New word. A little lame? Not?

Yeah, I know I've been going on and on about eating healthy. Unfortunately, it's been a chilly, rainy day in Georgia and I'm feeling a little oniony - another new word and no, it's not because I've just finished a vicious trip on the stationary bike.

Anywho... The dysfunctional family will be having homemade french onion soup and salad tonight. As you can see from my sidebar, tonight was supposed to be broccoli soup, but I've maxxed out the natives with that culinary delight. As you can see from my OTHER sidebar, I heart FoodNetwork.com. This is a Tyler Florence recipe. Gonna try it and let you know tomorrow the ridiculous amount of abuse I'm about to endure.

All I can say is that they'd better like it because the gruyere was $6.99!

Here's the link. For the lazy ones out there (and you know who you are), the recipe is copied below.

French Onion Soup

Recipe courtesy Tyler Florence

Prep Time:: 15 min
Inactive Prep Time:: --
Cook Time:: 55 min

Level:: Easy

Serves:: 4 to 6 servings

Ingredients

1/2 cup unsalted butter
4 onions, sliced
2 garlic cloves, chopped
2 bay leaves
2 fresh thyme sprigs
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup red wine, about 1/2 bottle
3 heaping tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 quarts beef broth
1 baguette, sliced
1/2 pound grated Gruyere

Directions

Melt the stick of butter in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onions, garlic, bay leaves, thyme, and salt and pepper and cook until the onions are very soft and caramelized, about 25 minutes. Add the wine, bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer until the wine has evaporated and the onions are dry, about 5 minutes. Discard the bay leaves and thyme sprigs. Dust the onions with the flour and give them a stir. Turn the heat down to medium low so the flour doesn't burn, and cook for 10 minutes to cook out the raw flour taste. Now add the beef broth, bring the soup back to a simmer, and cook for 10 minutes. Season, to taste, with salt and pepper.

When you're ready to eat, preheat the broiler. Arrange the baguette slices on a baking sheet in a single layer. Sprinkle the slices with the Gruyere and broil until bubbly and golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes.

Ladle the soup in bowls and float several of the Gruyere croutons on top.

Alternative method: Ladle the soup into bowls, top each with 2 slices of bread and top with cheese. Put the bowls into the oven to toast the bread and melt the cheese.

Today - A Positive, Upbeat View

2010-01-21T08:01:00.000-05:00

Today's plan is to finish catching up after being gone for five days.

It's raining, so of course I will be going to the grocery store. I'm still trying to finish a "healthy" menu for the rest of the week. Suggestions??? (Be kind. Insults literally crush me.)

Isn't it a joyful moment when you're running, full-on with a buggy full of food in the pouring rain? Can someone tell me how to keep the buggy from rolling away while simultaneously opening the trunk and holding an umbrella? My umbrella always falls sideways. And by the way, why don't I learn to check the weather report and NOT procrastinate and just go to the friggin' grocery store the day before we're due for 2-3 inches of rain?

Getting back to the healthy meal topic...

Oh how I wish I could serve up delicious, healthy meals. We've got the BSer, the pickiest adult on the face of the planet. Then there's Smart Ass who can't eat gluten - gee thanks for that. The only one I have who will eat and not complain, well for the most part, is the Hermit and now he's gone. GONE I tell ya.

So, here I am, trying like the dickins to create a health conscious meal. We are bombarded with "don't eat this, eat that, blah, blah, blah". Cardboard may do the trick. Wait - I'll bet it has gluten.

How many days does it take you to recover after being away?

And doesn't going to the grocery store in the rain suck?

Have a great day!! Stay inside. Read a book. Don't go to the grocery store.

She Didn't Kill Me

2010-01-20T12:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Smart Ass,

Thank you for not killing me via some terrible merging incident yesterday as we took turns driving seven hours from Virginia to Georgia. For that I am forever grateful - at least until the next road trip. Thank you also for ditching me for your friends (who would have thought?) and visiting only when you needed money. I'm happy to report that it only took two glasses of wine to calm my nerves upon returning home.

Love, Mom

Why did we go to Virginia? To house sit and pet sit this fabulously loveable mutt named Maggie. Isn't she adorable? (Read here to find out why I can't count on her watchdog skills.)

I've developed a deep love of living on the cheap in someone else's house while they're on vacation. Have you tried it? You really should - it's the bomb. (Do people still say that?)

Even With the Critique, They Couldn't Deny...

2010-01-13T07:53:00.000-05:00

...that it was absolutely delicious! BSer loved it, gave it a thumbs up for future staple meals, but said it did something funky to his teeth. His report, however, should be taken with a grain of salt because he's weird anyway. (I think it was the heated peanut butter and he reported that it made his teeth feel sharp and spikey. YEAH - and he's supposedly the elder in the family. Want my life? I'd gladly sell it to you for the right price.)

Smart Ass loved it, but then after dinner told me she wasn't big on peanut butter. O.k.a.y. it was a peanut butter (satay) dish. Comments aside, I'm chalking this one up as a success, because it was gooooooood. If, for some reason, you have issues with heated peanut butter making your teeth feel sharp and spikey, it might not be for you. Otherwise, go for it.

*This recipe was changed somewhat, thanks to Smart Ass, and made gluten-free from this recipe on Foodnetwork.com

Chicken Satay Stir-Fry with Orange Scented Jasmine Rice

Rice:

3 3/4 c. water

2 oranges, zested

2 cups jasmine rice, rinsed

Stir Fry:

2 tbs. canola oil

1 pkg. (about 1.3 lb.) chicken breast tenders, sliced into bite-sized pieces

3 cloves minced garlic

1 onion, sliced

1 green pepper, sliced

1 bunch fresh broccoli

about 4-5 baby portabello mushrooms, rough chopped

*The original recipe uses onion, peppers, carrots, garlic, snow peas, & scallions.

Satay:

4 rounded tbs. peanut butter

3 tbs. GF soy sauce

3 tbs. honey

1" of ginger root, shredded

1 clove garlic, minced

1 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes

1/2 orange, juiced

*As the sauce warms, it thickens. You will probably want to add a little water to thin.

Garnish:

chopped peanuts

Heat water with orange zest to boiling. Add rice, return to boil, stir. Cover pot and reduce heat to simmer. Cook rice until tender, about 18 minutes. Fluff with fork.

For stir-fry, heat a large skillet to high heat. Add oil, chicken, garlic, and onion. Stir fry for 3 minutes. Add remaining veggies and stir-fry 5 minutes more.

Heat the ingredients for the sauce under low heat in a small saucepan, whisking to combine.

When ready to serve, I added the sauce directly to the stir-fry pan.

Enjoy!

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

2010-01-11T19:03:00.000-05:00

I have developed a habit of keeping my fortunes.

Sometimes it's as if that little oriental lady in the back room who we all know is feverishly creating fortune cookies, is sending me a deep, meaningful message.

Last week when I went to PF Changs, I think that little lady had taken a bathroom break

or was sick or maybe on vacation. Heaven knows she probably needs one.

That's why I wasn't too terribly offended when I got this message in my fortune cookie.

At least this serves as solid confirmation that I've been made in the USA, which is a relief because I was really losing sleep over that one.

Just Sayin...

2010-01-11T07:12:00.000-05:00

Life as I know it has been threatened if I get specific (whatever that means).

See if you can figure this topic out on your own.

Enjoy the clip anyway. :)

How Do I Drive Thee Crazy?

2010-01-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

How Do I Drive Thee Crazy? Let Me Count the Ways…

1. We became friends on Facebook.

2. As soon as I joined Facebook, it wasn't long before your friends came a-calling. "Oh Mrs. P, we love you!"

It was only a matter of time, my dear. Heh Heh Heh

3. I can read your facial expressions. In other words, when you're supposedly studying on the computer, I know you're chatting with a friend.

4. I know when you're texting under the dinner table. Sheesh - just how dimwitted do you think I am?

Don't answer that!

5. A mother/child relationship is like Survivor or Big Brother - everything is a game.

You never know who has the upper hand.

But remember…

6. I control your future, your college education, your cell phone, and more importantly, your clothing allowance.

All in a days work. All in a days work.

Love you, Sweetie! Mean it.

He Finally Cracked

2010-01-08T20:33:00.000-05:00

What was I thinking???

In my relentless effort to become more healthy, I've become the food police. Yep.

The last straw was when I accused him of adding too much salad dressing to his salad. (Seriously, he adds - like - a quarter cup!)

Anyway...it was the last straw.

He exploded with, "I'm done! I'm outta here!"

I replied, "You're leaving me because I'm the food police?"

"Yes! It's all down hill from here. First, it's the salad dressing. Next, you'll call the office and I'll tell you that I have to work late. You will respond by asking if those are crackers you hear in the background."

And that's how the BSer cracked.

The end.

Fumigation

2010-01-08T08:42:00.001-05:00

Today, after I've had my fifth cup of coffee, I'm heading down to the basement to clean and fumigate The Hermit's room and bathroom. (Yes, I am procrastinating. Wouldn't you?)

There's no telling what I may find down there. The smell alone could knock you out.

I told him to clean it up before he moved out. Guess what?

So anyway, if I don't come up for air by 6:00 p.m. send the rescue squad.

Story at 7...

It's Your Birthday, It's Your Birthday...

2010-01-06T07:28:00.000-05:00

Today I tack on another year. Funny how we don't get as excited as we used to. Wonder why???

Spent the night with my mommy two days ago and had my favorite childhood birthday meal. That was enough to get me through another year. You absolutely won't believe what it is - go ahead and try to guess. I GUARANTEE you won't. It's too...well...special.

When I and my three siblings were growing up we asked for one thing on our birthdays - food-wise. Was it steak? No. Was it pizza? No. Get ready....

Here goes...

Pinto beans with raw onions on top...

REALLY stewed potatoes, mashed up with the potato gravy* poured over the top...

Sauerkraut and...

Wieners, cooked together.

There. I've just shared a deep, dark family secret with my - hold on - 22 followers and only God knows who else (probably nobody).

Go ahead and laugh. It's comfort food, food for the soul, soul food...maybe. Either way, we still love our annual culinary treat.

What's your favorite birthday meal? Bet you can't top mine!

*For those of you who were puzzled by "potato gravy", it's simply the starchy liquid that the potatoes are cooked in. I call it potato gravy. Sue me.

Can You Have Too Much Of A Good Thing?

2010-01-02T20:15:00.001-05:00

I think the answer is yes.

The BSer and I have been experiencing "empty-nester-marital-bliss" for the past five days because the Hermit moved out and took Smart Ass with him. Unfortunately, the commonwealth of Virginia didn't want our dear, sweet S.A. So, I have to go get her tomorrow. Seriously.

Having said that, I think that the BSer and I mutually agree that four days is our current limit for experiencing "empty-nester-marital-bliss". The harsh truth is that we're not quite ready to be empty nesters yet. Don't get me wrong, the BSer and I love one another dearly. However, I think that we need another solid year of abuse from one of our offspring before we're finally ready to downsize and move to some unknown location, never to be heard from again.

So, yes, you CAN have too much of a good thing.

Bring on the abuse.

What Being Over 40 Has Taught Me, or...

2009-12-31T07:58:00.000-05:00

...Why I'm glad I learned when to say when.

Have a great New Years and be careful. :)

Happy Birthday BSer!

2009-12-30T18:01:00.000-05:00

~In All His Glory, Muddy and Happy~

Today is my sweet BSer's birthday and it's not just any birthday. The BSer is 50!

Know what we're going to do for his birthday? We're going to go eat seafood and then go to see Avatar. (Clearly he's not big on birthdays.) I told him that we should try to get to the restaurant between 4:00 and 5:00 so that we can get the senior citizen discount.

He didn't appreciate that.

Milestones

2009-12-28T08:42:00.000-05:00

It seems that lately we've hit milestones and I've realized that, while I THOUGHT I loved change, change sucks. My brain tells me change is good. But after a string of alterations in life, stagnation begins to look pretty darn attractive.

Our first big change happened many years ago. We decided to buck the system and pull the kids out to be educated at home for a few years. This change was good - and fun.

Then change happened again in 2005 when my sweet 12 year-old, not quite Smart Ass, became sick with an illness which rocked our world, her world, and changed the course of our lives. This illness was (and still can be) more difficult than you could imagine because of it's obscurity. This change truly sucked.

In 2008, we moved away from the security of our friends and home to another state seven hours away. Sucky change.

And now...

Now I've been having a pity party for myself. I should be happy and giddy and excited. But, I guess like any other parent, I'm tearful and thoughtful and scared. The Hermit moved out yesterday to attend school somewhere else. I'm excited for him. He's excited for him. Is this what they call empty-nest syndrome? Figures I'd get it too early. I've still got Smart Ass in all her glory to keep me hopping.

Had to say goodbye to my little old car yesterday, too. Isn't that crazy? I became emotionally attached to a freaking car! This was a sad change.

Plus I think I'm beginning to go through "the change".

Change is good, right?

Maybe I'll get a jeep and drive with the top down.

A Cheap Date

2009-12-19T15:32:00.000-05:00

Last night I found myself all alone - not a BSer, Hermit, or Smart Ass in sight. You'd think that a girl would know how to behave, especially one my age. But do you want to know what I did?

I took a long bath with a tall glass of wine - the cheap kind. Then, dressed in the ugliest, most comfy pair of jammies, I made two HUGE crab cakes, with sauce. While cooking my crab cakes I perused the latest fashion magazine. Afterward, while watching Sleepless in Seattle and Enchanted, I had an Edwards Hot Fudge Ice Cream Brownie.

Then I went to bed.

It was heaven.

This morning I destroyed all evidence.

A Christmas Thingy Even I Can Handle...

2009-12-15T08:38:00.000-05:00

My online compadre, Jennifer Juniper, (Gotta love the name. Why can't I have a cool name like that?) over at Hope Studios has a Christmas wreath tutorial that even I and my anti-Martha self can handle. It's super pretty, easy, and idiot-proof. Not that I'm an idiot or anything and, uh, not like you're an idiot or anything.

Confessions

2009-12-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

Every year, I love reading the magazines and blogs about how to beautify your home for Christmas. I dream - a girl can dream, can't she?

When I was a young whipper-snapper of a mom, I had aspirations. We made homemade ornaments, gingerbread houses, chopped down our own trees.

I still love to read about the beauty of Christmas. But here's the reality...

I'm not Martha Stewart. I tried once and it didn't take.

We go to Home Depot to pick a tree. It stands for several days before it's decorated.

We still have boxes in the dining room. Boxes of Christmas decorations, surrounding the tree, which, by the way, is dropping needles because I forget to feed it water. (Blush)

We still have a pumpkin on our front steps. (Haha, blush)

While under massive pressure, I wrap presents to put under the tree two days (or one) before Christmas. And I usually find a few forgotten gifts hidden in various spots in the spring.

The only reason we made gingerbread houses in the early years was because I faced peer pressure from the good moms.

I'm too cheap to buy new decorations. We still have the same ivy that we had 20 years ago.

Believe it or not, I LOVE Christmas. I'm just not a holiday Martha.

UGHHHH!! I feel better.

Try confessing. It's good for the soul, I promise.

Bah Humbug, oh and, Merry Christmas :)

Can't Help But Love It

2009-12-09T18:51:00.000-05:00

Smart Ass redeemed herself temporarily when she showed me this video.

I love it.

Christmas Shopping and Wine

2009-12-04T17:06:00.000-05:00

Part One happened on Friday:

WITH a crappy cold, I decided to head to the mall to tackle Christmas shopping for the kiddos.

{{{mistake}}}

Going shopping wasn't the actual mistake. The mistake was calling the BSer and asking if he'd like to have lunch and help me Christmas shop.

what. was. i. thinking?

We wandered for two solid hours, accomplishing nothing except...

After lunch and another two hours, BSer had two new pairs of pants and a new sweater vest, cords and two shirts.

The hermit - zip.

Smart Ass - zip.

BSer had to get back to work. I ran into the nearest American Eagle and grabbed two pairs of jeans and...

went home to crash.

Part two - Monday:

Still have a cold, but I was smart enough to go to a mall FAR away from the BSer.

I wandered for many many hours, then...

came home and ordered everything online - WITH...

free shipping...

and a glass of wine. :)

Brussels Sprouts for Everyone

2009-12-03T16:59:00.001-05:00

Last week, while visiting mom and watching, I'm absolutely certain, 24 straight hours of television in one sitting, I came across a recipe.

Caramelized Brussels Sprouts with Cranberries and Bacon

Brussels sprouts - something I've never tried. Never. In. My. Life.

The recipe looked unbelievable. I was well aware that brussels sprouts are perhaps the most detested vegetable known to mankind.

I was challenged.

I saved the recipe.

Last night, BSer comes in from work, "What's for dinner?"

"Brussels sprouts, baked chicken and rice, really good rice and REALLY, REALLY delicious brussels sprouts."

BSer, "But everyone on the face of the planet detests brussels sprouts."

I proceed to tell him how I will PREPARE our culinary delight.

BSer, "Why, you could cook cat %^$# like that and it would be delicious!"

I'm encouraged.

I chop and dice, then slave over a hot stove, feverishly preparing said brussels sprouts.

Next time I'll try the cat $^%#.

Alone at Last...

2009-11-22T09:08:00.000-05:00

Except for Henry and Eddie, my new hot dates.

Eddie (on the right) is young and lively. He always has a twinkle in his eye and is ready for just about anything you'd like to throw in his direction. Eddie leaps with joy.

Henry, in contrast, is older, dark, handsome, the silent type. You can tell with just one look that this boy has been around the block a few times. He tends to snore a little, his fur is soft, warm, a little stinky.

I'm house-sitting this week. Henry and Eddie are my sweet, constant companions.

Aren't they handsome?

Gas for the trip: about $80

Groceries: maybe $25

House sitting - ALONE - no responsibilities (except for Henry & Eddie)... PRICELESS!

Birthdays and Getting Old

2009-11-18T10:56:00.000-05:00

{ He's in the middle, in case you're wondering }

My son, the Hermit, is the birthday boy today. I say this tongue-in-cheek because the boy is twenty. Dang I'm getting old. But it's not about me...

On their birthday, the kids get whatever meal they choose and for some strange reason, it's never my cooking. Afterward, no matter what, no matter where we happen to be, they are obligated to sit through mom's gory rendition of, "on the day you were born".

But it's not about me...

Today I'll have camera on hand to appropriately harass the kiddos as we head out for lunch at P.F. Changs and then shopping. This scares me. Why do they always want to go shopping on their birthdays? It's enough to send shivers up and down my spine.

But it's not about me...

It's about Wes-Man...Wispy...Wes...my baby, who is very quickly becoming a man.

Happy Birthday, Wes! Love you...