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Sunday, March 28, 2010

church is fun

whats after 29?

so this morning we're heading out to church and, like any good mother, I simply couldn't keep my mouth shut. I ask smart ass if she got a certain smart assy text from me last night when she was out. yes, she replied. from that moment on the argument raged. the bser even decided to join in.

by the time we reached the church bser and I climbed out of the car and smart ass decided to remain. we went in. I sat down with the bser and as church began we found ourselves constantly looking toward the door. where is she? where's my little smart ass?

near the end of the service we got up to have communion and to my astonishment, there's that little smart ass heading up to have communion from the other side of the church. she'd been there the entire time. and i was worried. was i praying when everyone else prayed? no, i worried. church is fun that way.

walking out, i thought to myself, "ok we've all been to church. gotten our fill of the holy spirit and we will be feeling much more calm and less argumentative during the ride home." we piled into the car and it was as if we'd never gotten out. the argument continued. all. the. way. home. we piled out of the car and went our separate ways.

just in time for dinner, everyone had taken their collective breaths and bonded yet again.

dinner was exceptionally happy.

i love my lovable, dysfunctional family.

they'll probably kill me in the end.

but i still love them.

dead or alive?

Okay, I'll take 20 lashes, but I did the same thing. Just hoping you don't have coffee in your lap.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I've Been Invaded - And Not In A Good Way

{ totally unrelated photo. i just LOVE these. }

Well, the search for the coveted prom dress ended today. But that's not what I'm writing to you about, my dear internet friends.

Yes, we found the (hallelujah chorus begins) DRESS (hallelujah chorus ends). We decided on a dress, proceeded to pay, and my credit card was rejected. Yep - r.e.j.e.c.t.e.d. So the little saleslady chickadee gives me the "you ain't got no money, honey" eye and dials the number. Smart Ass, by this time, was getting a little embarrased because we weren't the only girls in line (of course we weren't - this sort of thing never happens when you're alone). So anyway, I told the girl that I'd just write a check for the dress.

This happened in December when the BSer was in Virginia making a purchase and I, in Georgia, went to buy groceries. The credit card was declined because of the differences in location. I called the number and found that we have a fraud alert on our card. It's a service to let you know when something unusual is occurring. I like this feature. Didn't mind the inconvenience.

Flash forward to today, I called the BSer to see if he had gone and bought the golf clubs he was whining about telling me about the other day. Nope, he hadn't done a thing.

So next I call our credit card company and find that we had a purchase in D.C. as well as Cape Town, South Africa within the past 24 hours. Um - not me. So our credit card has been frozen and we will be issued new cards.

I know that this is fairly common these days, but what the heck????? Have you ever had this happen?

Bajeezes. I've been invaded - and not in a good way. I'm also wondering if the Hermit or Smart Ass or maybe even the BSer flew to South Africa while I wasn't looking and purchased something like a DVD or Itunes music. It could happen ya know!

letting you in on a little secret

What's the secret? It's only fair that I tell you. If you're not a reader here, or a customer here, you won't know.

{ S.A. is my model. Isn't she spectacularly photogenic? }

I'm hosting a giveaway and the swag is pretty sweet. It's a darling little handmade, embroidered crossbody bag AND (yes I said "and") sparkling blue quartz earrings. You simply must jump over, but please don't hurt yourself along the way.


Totally unrelated:
We'll be prom dress shopping again later today. Say a prayer for me and wish me luck. I'll need it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I So Relate

what's after 29?

Zits - I so relate.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Shopping for a Prom Dress

shopping for a prom dress
{ not daughter or her dress }

Dear Smart Ass,

When crammed into a 4' x 5' dressing room with your mother for three hours while shopping for a prom dress and trying on 30+ dresses, brace yourself against the wall and prepare for a complete break down with an exhausted mom doesn't get it when you say, "You know, I want something 'prommy' but it needs to be 'different, unique'."

Just saying.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Officer Said, “Ma’am, I Think Your Car Is Jinxed.”

Yes, I'm still working my tush off. Trying to get ahead in preparation for a visit to N.C. this weekend. Lately I've been speaking of cars, so in honor of keeping the thought fresh, I'm reposting a little something I wrote last year.

The Officer Said, “Ma’am, I Think Your Car Is Jinxed.”

Ever feel like something in your life is jinxed? I’m a religious person and, in general, we aren’t supposed to believe in those sorts of things. My thoughts, however, are beginning to change.

I love my little Toyota Rav4. We purchased it new in 2002, opting for a manual because it would be more fun for me. The car has not let me down. It has absolutely NO power, but being a girl who just loves all things CUTE, I don't really care how fast I go.

Unfortunately, the tide began to turn a couple of years ago when BSer was involved in an accident on a one-lane dirt road, far into the woods of Virginia. He damaged my baby! I forgave him and we quickly had it repaired.

ONE year later, BSer is taking my car to the airport at dusk one morning to catch a flight. (seeing a pattern?) Unfortunately, some deer must have been heading to the airport as well because the two collided. See Exhibit “A” below:

Exhibit "A"

Fast forward to THIS PAST November. (This is something we rarely discuss at the dinner table or any other time as it’s still a very sensitive subject.) Smart Ass had just gotten her learners permit and, well, let’s just say that she had a little trouble shifting and steering at the same time. See exhibit “B” below:

Exhibit "B"

I was in the passenger seat when Exhibit “B” occurred. It happened in slow motion, literally, and a stream of words poured from my mouth the likes of which I didn't know existed.

Fast forward to LAST Friday. I pick Smart Ass up from school and head to Target. We are sitting at the stop light, on the highway exit ramp when suddenly we’re thrown forward. See exhibit “C” below:

Exhibit "C"

Simply CAN NOT believe this has happened. My cute little car now has only one good side, excluding the roof. Anyway, as one officer is writing the report, his partner walks around my car and proceeds to say, “Ma’am, I think your car is jinxed.” I laugh and he looks at me, dead serious, and says, “I’m not kidding. That stuff happens, ya know.”

{ my poor baby. may she rest in peace. }

Last Saturday Jeff and I spent the day car shopping.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Not a Witty Update

{ totally unrelated, but ever so necessary, picture }

Would I describe myself as witty? Eh - not really. But, hey, it's my blog.

I've been working in the studio so much lately TRYING to make some money for the Hermit away at school (AND the occasional pair of loverly shoes) that my brain has turned to mush. Feeling quite incapable of retelling stories of our dysfunctional existance. I got nothing - except this...

The Continuing Saga of the Ever Frustrating Old Clunker Search
(which mom here refuses to be any part of)

So last night, the BSer, after a hard day's work, came in and resumed his search for a car for Smart Ass. At this point, they've both realized that they simply MUST turn to Craig's List. After a ridiculous amount of research, they've decided to find an older model Honda Civic.

Amazingly, they found a great candidate located in Buckhead. BSer called the girl, an Emory student who cluelessly underpriced her car. BSer screams, "hold on! we're on our way!" Now, at this point, let me say that BSer has just returned from driving home with all the other crazies leaving Atlanta. He and Smart Ass jump in the car and head BACK to Atlanta - at 5:30. Nearly two hours later they call home from somewhere in Buckhead - lost. I google directions and get them to the location where they had been beat out by, I'm not kidding, FIVE minutes. Long story short, another guy got the car.

Pity goes out to Smart Ass for having to ride BACK home from Atlanta at 8:00 with the BSer, who was hungry and NOT a happy camper.

See, I got nothin'. OH! Except this...

As they were driving around in Atlanta - good old HOTlanta - they saw an old lady, driving a corvette with a FULL sized LIVE iguana sitting on the dashboard. Atlanta - gotta love it.

NOW I got nothin'
What you got? Give me your links.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


{ my car was not this hot }

I was just talking with a friend about the privileges kids have today, how they're raised, how they feel entitled, and what a shock it will be when they enter the "real world". Can you tell we were having a gripefest?

What prompted the gripefest? As you know, Smart Ass is ready for her license and because I have a nice car and WILL NOT allow her to drive it without me, we need to find something for her. When The Hermit got his driver's license, we got a '94 Toyota truck for $3,000. Now this, in my humble opinion, is the ideal "new" car for a teenager IF they're lucky enough to get one. Little did we know that it would be the energizer bunny of all trucks and still be "trucking" well over 200k. Aside from having to walk ten miles to school in the snow, I was LUCKY to drive my parent's Buick LaSabre - I believe it was a '73 model.

Anyway, now it's time for Smart Ass. We're looking for something equally cheap that won't cause major parental upheaval when the first mailbox is destroyed. Not that S.A. isn't a capable driver (cough, cough).

In hindsight, our only mistake was that the truck we got for the Hermit didn't have airbags - something that's plagued us constantly. That's our only requirement now. Sheesh. Parenting - it's what kills people. You think cancer or heart disease is the leading killer? No, they're wrong. It's parenting.

My point? Curiosity...

If you're too young to tell me about the kiddo, then what happened when you got your first car? What did you get?
What's going on with your offspring today?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Six Word Saturday - The List


"work promote paint clean fret laugh"

I don't have a sentence this week, just the list. These are my thoughts in a nutshell:

work & promote = self explanatory. there's something to the term "starving artist"
paint = maybe since it's Saturday I can work on my hutch project - maybe
clean = need to clean - viscous cycle -UGH Bleh UGH
fret = it's a parent's job - one of the perks
laugh = at myself, at others, whatever it takes

I hope you laugh today. :D
Happy Six Word Saturday. Join in.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Dear Smart Ass, What you're NOT supposed to do...


Dear Smart A.,

What you're NOT supposed to do when using the drive through at the bank:

1) do NOT pull so far away from the tubie thingy that you have to give it the old "half the body out the window" lean

2) NEVER, repeat, NEVER forget to put the car in PARK before leaning out the window to get the tubie thingy

3) after moving the car ahead five feet while leaning out the window to get the tubie thingy, you are NOT supposed to back up before looking to see if there is another car behind yours

4) you are NOT supposed to keep your Ugged foot on the excelerator after putting the car in PARK while simultaneously leaning out the window to get the tube. (you will appear to be a nascar driver revving up before the green flag and that's not good)

5) and perhaps most importantly, do NOT run through this ENTIRE sequence five minutes later at the next drive through.

*Photo from

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Life is Complete


Why is life complete? Top this:

1) Smart Ass just broke up with her boyfriend. JoyJoyJoy

2) I just got a case of cheap wine and almond dark chocolate from Trader Joe's

3) I spent an hour perusing Target - alone

4) zero animal throw up today - so far - and that's saying a lot when you've got a bulimic cat

5) Smart Ass broke up with her boyfriend (it's worth double points)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A Little Lori Bashing


Yep, that just about sums it up. Things have been so busy that I've dropped the ball in, literally, every department that I'm in charge of. Why? Because my "little baby boy", aka The Hermit, came home last week for spring break and - well - I was a mama slacker. Now I'm working the tush off trying to catch up. How's it going? Not too good!

Didn't clean - still haven't

I did cook his favorite foods, that has to count for something.

Didn't post - anywhere.

Didn't work - making up for it now.

Smart Ass is wondering why she doesn't get the royal treatment he got. She just doesn't get it. I told her that when she moves out, I'll be a happier person and cook when she comes for a visit. For now, it's frozen pizza.

Okay, I'm done. You can go now. But first tell me how you've slacked off this week. And don't even THINK of saying you didn't.

Spill. It's good for the soul.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Hey there! It's Six Word Saturday!


I am blissfully alone right now. :)

Having a regular party for myself. Big guy has taken Smart Ass and the Hermit (visiting for spring break) car shopping. Needless to say, I abandoned ship. Shopping for big ticket items gives me a panic attack. Know what I mean?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

What Do You Get...

What do you get when you cross a middle-aged woman with no willpower
and a child who wants to be a baker?


About five pounds. :(

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Rock Star Potato Soup - Go Figure


It's a well known fact that I'm a gourmet wanna-be, but oh so bad, and not in a good way. I toil - sometimes, I slave - once in a while, I plan my meals - weekly, I stick to the chart - rarely.

Being the good, money-saving wifey wife that I am, I searched high and low for something, anything to cook with this humongous bag of potatoes that had been purchased in bulk. What was I thinking? That I had a family of fifteen or something? Anyway, after researching and pondering and thinking about the weather, I decided to make a big pot of potato soup.

Normally when I try something new it's not well received.

Not this time, people! I created one rocking pot of potato soup.

I was the bomb - the potato bomb. Who knew that carbs, cream, and butter would be the miracle drug my family needed? Go figure.

Someone gave me this simple recipe yesterday and it HIT THE SPOT! I whipped up a fruit salad for a little burst of additional sugar and that's all it took.

Homemade Potato Soup

{{I'll try to be accurate with the ingredients, but I'm an eye-baller}}

about 8 or so (maybe more) small russet potatoes
one large onion - diced
4 carrots - diced
2 stalks of celery - diced
olive oil
chicken broth (I used a carton - 32 oz.)
salt and pepper
cream (I used fat free half & half) - about 3/4 cup

In a large stock pot, bring the cubed potatoes to a boil - oh, add water. :)
Reduce heat and simmer until soft.

While that's cooking, saute the onion, celery, and carrots in your olive oil
(in another pan - duh).
Hmm... a little minced garlic might be good at this point, too.
Be sure to salt & pepper the veggies pretty well.
Saute until soft.

Once the potatoes are done, pour off about half of the water.
Add in the chicken broth and the veggies to the potatoes.
Add more pepper and salt to taste.

In a separate saucepan over low heat, warm the fat free half & half and to that,
add about 3 lbs. tbs. of butter to melt.

Once the creamer is warm, add it into the soup mixture. At this point, I took my handy dandy potato masher and mashed some of the potatoes right there in the pot. This way, the soup became more starchy and thick. At least that's what I like to tell myself.

You can garnish with crumbled bacon. I didn't because I hate frying bacon - makes me feel greasy. The family complained, but they got over it and STILL thought I was a rock star.

Smart Ass even texted her friends (at the table, of course) about my rock star status.

believe it or not...

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